


The Blue Ball Challenge.

by skinnylittlered



Category: British Actor RPF, Real Person Fiction, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, the ice bucket challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-07
Updated: 2015-02-07
Packaged: 2018-03-10 22:44:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3306143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skinnylittlered/pseuds/skinnylittlered
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom and Ben take the Ice bucket challenge a bit too seriously.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Blue Ball Challenge.

It was the perfect excuse.

Caught in between interminable workdays and nights he used exclusively for neuron-recovery purposes (i.e. spending as many hours knocked out as he could get without somebody requiring his intellectively alert presence) Tom realised, with – true to form – uncontrollable grief, that he might have been insensibly neglecting his girls’ needs for a while, and that very simple and wholly natural course of action just wouldn’t sit well with him, for he, as much as the average Briton, has made a not-at-all conscious but more likely encrypted into his DNA decision of designating his life span attending to the gratification of as many a folk as possible. Being a globally renowned actor came as capital nourishment to such a task. Being a globally renowned actor with a titanic self-proclaimed army of fans took matters to a whole other mind-boggling level.

It is needless to say that Tom worships his faithful followers just as much as they worship him, only in a very dissimilar manner since, to his unmitigated peace of mind, he is voluntarily aware of but a demure fraction of their, more often than not, peculiar to borderline deranged mode of fashioning their appreciation of him. Instead, Tom prefers to collectively think of them as of a singular entity in the form of a puppy (a pug, to be more precise, because he thinks they’re cute as fuck) – it gets – true to form – uncontrollably excited about the slightest deed and will not hesitate in  none too inoffensively nibbling your ankle should you neglect it. Ergo, for the love of his Achilles tendon, Tom has made it a point to never let too long a while pass before obediently catering to their otherwise legitimate requirements. His girls have needs and he, as the trigger of all of them and, apparently, many more, is directly responsible for their constant and immediate fulfilment. This exact liability is what has, as of a more recent date, driven the actor to do more, as he so unapologetically and unceremoniously put it in a not merely sole instance, but repeatedly,  _lifting of things_ , which pretty much resulted in his abs looking terribly similar to a Tetris block. An intensely applauded Tetris block. Due to which reason Tom has reverently consented to the imperilment of his welfare by taking a bucketful of iced water square in the face (although, on a post event analysis, five minutes and a black eye later, he considers the “square in the face” part of the entire arrangement to not have been as bright of an idea as he might have thought it to be at the time).

Fortunately, according not only to his own potent assessment but also his fans’ reliable expertise, his other contribution to the plan had been an infinitely more successful one – it has reached his ears the fact that his choice of dress has caused quite the commotion in, but not limited to, the fandom or, more accurately put,  _discontinuance_  in commotion and motion altogether for a vast majority of the total of heterosexual women and homosexual men has been reported either unresponsive to external stimuli or missing.

Tom considers the outcome of his efforts a prosperous every day’s work.

His balls not so much.

***

Benedict chuckled sinisterly (or at least that’s what he deduced he did, judging by his assistant’s painfully contorted, half in awe, half horrified and generally aroused visage – the poor girl would be in indisputable need of surgical enhancements later on. It is a good thing that his lawyer advised that they cover such expenses via work insurance as to avoid very probable further lawsuits prompted by young girls worn out by the constant frowning as their lady parts are uncomfortably undergoing impromptu Kegel exercises. Additionally, he’d suggested that they also mind the psychological aspect of the whole ordeal. Five assistants in two years and the man’s found himself suddenly become the happy owner of such material assets that he wouldn’t have dared dream of when he enrolled in law school, all courtesy to the ample gratitude of his client).

Benedict chuckled sinisterly at both the inert screen and at all the  _possibilities_ , because Benedict knows he wields the potential power to decimate the entire fem-

Benedict shook his head, scattering his thoughts away with the brusque motion, reminding himself that he ought to keep his devious tendencies as inconspicuous as possible despite the raging nagging in his gut that he should openly become the root cause for, generally, all physical and spiritual mayhem among the opposite sex inhabitants of the anthroposphere. He would make it worth their while and sudden malfunctions in their reproductive systems, he would make it so that they crave the enjoyment their own sufferings bring them more and more, so that they’ll play it once and then once more and then once more and then once more until they lose track of time and any remnant shred of dignity.

Halfway through the fifth bucket of water Benedict realises that the cumbersome congestion in his throat is, in fact, not a sore throat but his nearly frozen testicles seeking warmth.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on skinnylittleredwrites.tumblr.com


End file.
